Using a sick day tomorrow and not going into school - taking a mental health day.
Today was awful. Maybe it was a Monday, maybe it was the rain, maybe there was something in the air. I don’t know. But my students were just not in it, and it wore me out. I know I can’t save everyone and that there will always be those who fall through the cracks. I know not everyone likes science like I do. The ones who struggle, I get. The ones who don’t try, the quote ‘deliberate non-learners’, I don’t get. The blatant ignorance of what I do, ignoring what I say, not trying, not even close. Being rude. Talking. Mocking. Walking all over me. Ruining it for those who do come to learn at least a little bit. It wore me out.
And I have so much to do. Grading, grading, grading that never ends. Planning, making notes, thinking up activities. Teacher paperwork for professional development. Paperwork for the failing kids. Packing up, cleaning, and moving apartments in the next month. It’s overwhelming.
So I was tired, upset, depressed. Had a breakdown in third block, and almost started crying in front of my students. Had to leave the room for a while.
Fourth block planning. Depressed. Didn’t care. I’ve been depressed before, and more and more often recently, but I haven’t been this down in a while. Bawled and cried in front of my mentor teacher, who sacrificed her time and afternoon to help me plan for a while. Told her I was so depressed that I didn’t care. Couldn’t imagine, still can’t imagine teaching tomorrow. All I wanted was to come home and curl up in bed.
So here I am, curled up in a ball on the couch. Don’t feel like moving, like grading, like doing anything. Don’t care. Hoping this bout of depression passes by the morning.